Looking Back

After my initial euphoria at being "all done" etc etc, some serious post-surgical depression set in.  Some of this is attributable to an unexpected cosmetic result. While inspecting the "new me", I turned around and looked over my shoulder and a feeling of pure horror washed over me:

Where the fuck is my ass? 

I always had a cute little butt.  Nothing big and dramatic, mind you.  But little round globes that filled out my jeans. 

But apparently, it's all been stretched out, flattened, shrunk, smoothed out and sacrificed to clean up my hip area.  There's no junk in the trunk.  No bootie.  What remains is a wide flat expanse of skin from hip to thigh.  Drape a checked cloth over it and you could serve a five course meal complete with wine pairings right off my butt - it's that flat.

Every time I see it, I just cry and cry.  I keep thinking that I look like a boy.  

You would think that with all the bits and pieces of my femininity that have been taken from me bit by bit over the past few months a flat ass would just be one more indignity to endure.

But for some reason, I took one look at that flat ass and I cracked. 

Comments

[Steph H]

I don't think I can conjure adequate words of encouragement or comfort, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I know it's cold comfort, but you can have some of my butt. I've got more than enough for two. Thinking of you, Steph

[Dee]

Hi Steph, Thank you so much for offering to share butt. I'm learning to live with the "new me" but I guess acceptance takes time. . . Can't wait to meet you in a few weeks at the conference. Thanks again,
Dee

[Teri S.]

I'm so sorry you've been hit by a wave of sadness. I'd be willing to bet though, that over time your butt will gain some of that fat back, and round out nicely. Have you asked Dr. S about it?

[Dee]

Hi Teri, Thank you for your good wishes. I've been doing a bit better the past few days. Also, it seems that some type of butt contour is reappearing as the swelling in my thighs recedes. I plan to call Dr. S's office to go over a whole bunch of things over the next few days but overall I really am feeling much better.